Lady Gaga‘s new album Chromatica is just weeks away from being released on April 10. And in a candid new interview with Paper magazine, the singer talked candidly about how her experience with depression and her pain from fibromyalgia shaped the poppy music on her new record. Producer BloodPop® would encourage Gaga to record and push forward through her dark days. “
He’d be like, ‘Come on, let’s go. We’re going to make music,'” she said. “And I’d be maybe crying or venting about something that was happening in my life over some pain or depression I was feeling.” The songs they wrote, “I’d start out the day so down and I’d end up dancing, looking in the mirror, practicing my moves, singing along. Every day was an enlightening experience, but it had to happen every day.”
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Gaga didn’t make music that tries to sell the idea of never-ending happiness like some other pop songs do. “Give me a break, [happiness is] not that simple,” she said. “I have clinical depression. There’s something going on in my brain where the dopamine and serotonin are not firing the same way, and I can’t get there. If someone says, ‘Come on, just be happy,’ I’m like, ‘You fucking be happy.'”
But she hopes her music will represent the idea that it’s possible to feel joy even in the midst of sorrow: “I will do whatever it takes to make the world dance and smile,” she started. “I want to put out a record that forces people to rejoice even in their saddest moments. And by the way, I’m not standing over here with a flag going, ‘I’m all healed, everything’s perfect.’ It’s not; it’s a fight all the time. I still work on myself constantly. I have bad days, I have good days. Yeah, I live in Chromatica, it took a minute to get here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember what happened. So if you’re in pain and listening to this music, just know that I know what it’s like to be in pain. And I know what it’s like to also not let it ruin your life.”
This article originally appeared on ELLE US.